Can you keep it?
by Love-Me-Secretly
Summary: Matthew Williams was perfectly happy being perfectly unhappy, until a perfectly unperfect albino broke his way into his secret world and they discover some secrets are more worthwhile when you have someone to share them with. (Warnings: yaoi pairings, eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia), cutting, suicide. T, but rating may rise)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- A little plot bunny that would not leave me alone *growls viciously at it until it runs away***  
**Disclaimer: If I owned Hetalia, I would be rich enough to get something besides a laptop with several very touchy, barely-usable keys... . **

**Also! I do not own the below song quote. I have decided to make a game of it. First person who guesses the artist/author of any given quote which isn't already stated gets a oneshot (or maybe a multi-chap if I really like the idea).**

* * *

_'This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world, but though she looked so sad in photographs, you'd absolutely love her when she smiled.'_

* * *

It was a normal day.

Just a normal, average day.

Yes, Matthew Williams(-Jones-Bonnefoy-Kirkland, after his mother, father, and adoptive parents respectively) was a perfectly average teenage boy.

Well, except of one tiny little thing.

One _teeny, tiny, barely-worth mentioning __tidbit_ of information.

I'm sure he wouldn't mind telling you himself, but he's a bit busy at the moment. Leaning over the toilet on your knees gagging up the two bites of school pre-made salad tends to distract you...

Yes, it was a Monday, the beginning of the school-week all school-age children dread. Groggy mornings, hyper lunch-times, and sleepy bus rides back home with a nice, square (because it's from a box) meal from the school churning in their stomachs and making them feel queasy as greasy pepperoni mingles with sugary chocolate milk and flavorless canned peaches dissolved into sloppy messes which made soggy half-chewed shredded lettuce an orange-brown color before being drowned in stomach acid .

Oh, The joys of school lunches.

Something a Mister Matthew Williams had not dealt with in awhile, oddly enough. He got the school lunches like everyone else, he choked down a few bites like everyone else, and he went about his day the same as everyone else. What was his secret?

His secret, his sweet, lovely, _deadly_ secret is what brings us to the bathroom this fine evening, just ten minutes after the twenty-five -_and three quarters, he had timed it so very carefully-_ lunch period began.

Back to when he met the boy with the red eyes and the tattered ('distressed' the teachers called it. Distressed! He was far too awesome for that!) clothing but the oddly neat and tidy wristbands, and a friendship (and perhaps more) was born.

* * *

**AN pt. 2: Short, but mostly posted just so I don't let the idea die in my head like I do with so many others... and no I haven't abandoned my other stories (I have the second part of Anastasia almost done, but I'm stuck on how to end it, and the other ones, well, I'm trying. It's been a hard year...)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you SO Much to my friend, who agreed to help me out with Gilbert for this chapter, because I wanted to hurry and get one posted because I felt guilty for such a short Prologue, but was somewhat blank… **

**I Love you Elle! **

* * *

Chapter One

Matthew sighed, kneeling again to perform his routine.

He checked his cellphone for the time. Ten-thirty eight. One more minute.

Once the minute had gone and past, he tucked his hair out of his face, swallowing and getting ready, pulling out a sharpie from his pocket and shoving the rounded portion, the side without the cap, into the back of his throat, gagging up the four bites of salad he had eaten upon his brothers mild assistance before he returned to his friends ramblings.

Exactly forty chews for each of those bites. No more, no less. He expected all the disgusting, repulsive food that came from those one hundred-sixty chews in four bites of salad with exactly One hundred fifty calories a serving to exit his body, and gave himself exactly fourteen minutes for it.

Four small bites of that is variable depending on what was in it. The iceberg lettuce (for a serving) was sixteen calories, the croutons thirty-one! Cabbage a whopping thirty-four! But even both of those paled in comparison to the 'fat free' French - a sickening forty-two! He only even got it because otherwise it would look suspicious, considering whenever ranch- an option which was definitely to fattening for him now - was not available, that is what he'd opt for, although not necessarily for the taste, but more so because one of their adopted fathers was French and having something in his daily life to honor him-even something silly and stupid- comforted him.

Considering all of those fattening, disgusting forty-two calories that dressing alone held, he didn't feel so comforted by it any more…

He wondered how many of those disgusting calories would be left in his body once he got rid of it to the best of his abili- he gagged, throwing up the bites, smiling grimly as the food- which had barely started to digest- came out and into the toilet bowl.

He repeated three times for good measure. Four bites, forty chews a piece, four purges.

Perfect.

He rose, flushing the toilet- after swishing with some very mild mouthwash and spitting it in to mingle with his vomit- turning and unlocking the stall door, unaware of the albino who had entered a few moments earlier- just in time to hear the last small amount of salad and bile dropping into the toilet, followed by the sound of whoever was in the stall cleaning their mouth out.

Said albino brushed off the small amount of concern he felt for whoever the other kid was, heading straight to the urinal and unzipping his jeans, deciding he wouldn't be put off what he came in for. He looked over his shoulder when he heard the door opening though, curious just who it was that was being sick, and felt his eyes widen slightly at the sight of Matthew.

"Hey. You get food poisoning or something?" he questioned him, concern coloring his slightly raspy voice- he mentally noted to pick up cough drops, Ludwig would probably need some anyways with how he busted his ass and insisted he got to school unless he was close to keeling over- in a way that seemed at odds with his usual attitude towards others. "You sounded pretty sick."

The sound of his voice cause the violet-eyed boy to whip around, startled.

"Ah!" He cried, squeaking. "I-I am alright. D-desole if I bothered you." He said sheepishly, fidgeting and looking at the floor and the ceiling, avoiding making awkward eye contact with the urinating senior as he stuck his hands under the motion-activated faucet, washing his hands nervously.

"I haven't been feeling well lately." He lied expertly, the tiny blonde rather used to making up excuses for other people and himself, humming in contentment as the warm water seemed to help a little with the chill that had settled deep inside of him

The words seemed to placate Gilbert somewhat, though he still looked concerned. He looked away from the younger man, shaking himself off once he was done and tucking back into his jeans while he hummed thoughtfully.

He walked over once that was done; stopping at the sink beside him and starting to was his hands, one hand keeping the sensor triggered while the other attempted to pump soap from the dispenser, though he knew it was a lost cause. He pouted in an almost adorably childlike way before catching himself and opting for a distant 'I-don't-have-time-for-this' sound, simply scrubbing his hands under the cold water with a small, faux-disgusted grimace, watching Matthew from the corner of his eye.

"Nah, you didn't bother me. It'd be pretty shitty if I got angry at your for wing sick," he commented after a second, making a small noise. The other seriously felt bad about being sick enough to be vomiting out half a lung and everything else? Gott, he had heard of selfless people, but…

With a halfhearted shrug of his shoulders, one wet hand raising to readjust the strap of his messenger bag when the action caused it to slip, not noticing the other's mouth open to speak for a brief moment, he continued. "If you don't feel well you should take time off and see the doctor. You'll only get worse if you ignore it."

Matthew only shrugged. "I'll be alright." He said quietly. "Probably just the cold.." He murmured. "Or a mild virus. I'll take some Tylenol and rest when I get home, alright?" He murmured, curious as to why he seemed to care. Wasn't this the resident asshole everyone said was a jerk to everyone but his friend, Antonio, and his little brother?

Gilbert moved away from the sink, shaking the excessive water from his hands and wiping the rest on his shirt. His red eyes barely left the Canadian though, brows furrowed in concern for the younger teen and not sure how to bring up what he wanted to discuss.

….Then again, perhaps it would be best if he left it until another day, if he was sick.

"You do that, alright? And if you've got any issues then come find me to talk," he told him, clearly serious about the offer. "I'm pretty easy to find."

His offer stunned the smaller boy, causing him to blink, dumbstruck, face reddening as he nodded. Dammit! He had spent fifteen minutes in here! Fending off a panic attack from the mild loss of control, he shifted anxiously. "I have to go." He said softly.

He didn't have much time to go grab his books before the bell rang to tell them to leave lunch...

After rejecting an offer from the albino regarding a rather sweet offer to walk him to class, he makes his exit quickly (_or rather, attempts to, the unexpectedly chatty albino accompanying him anyways._)

One thing sticks in his mind though, a portion of the conversation they had had when the red-eyed boy had tried to convince Matthew to walk with him...

"_ 'Come on, I don't care if I'm late, but I'm sure you do.' the albino hummed, looking oddly comfortable, as if talking to someone he had known his entire life._

_'Nah, I don't w-want to me a bother' he had stammered softly. 'Besides, I don't even know your name, much less am I close enough to you to eel even the tiniest bit comfortable making you late you class...'_

_The other boy's eyes had widened, although it was a fact which escaped Matthew's notice, the boy only hearing 'Doesn't matter-...' " _

.oO0~ 0~ 0~0Oo.

That night, his diary entry reads '_Today I met a sweet Boy (a senior I believe), named Gilbert….._', followed by his usual entry type.

Little does he know that 'sweet boy' is the one who is going to save his life several times over.

Little can he tell the future brings even darker skies than the one he is using to send his wish to the first star he sees that night.

For tonight, he sleeps, and, with thoughts of Gilbert drifting on the outsides of his dreams, his nightmares stay at bay.

Although even in his dreams, it bothered him what Gilbert had said after that. Just... one. little. word. it shouldn't bother him so much, but... the boy had said "'_Doesn't matter Matthew. I cut class all the time-" at the other's disapproving look, he amended. "I promise I'll go today though, I'll just be late. better than not showing up at all right? By the way, my name's Gilbert!"_

Just... One little... insignificant thing was bothering him...

He ,ay be wrong, but, as far as he remembers, _he never told the albino his name._

* * *

**A/N: There. I tried! I only took out whatever errors I could see, added bits, and subtracted the actual 'Gilbert walking him to class' part.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Two- A friend's date.

**AN- Important! This chapter has mild spamano in it, and you will see why. Yes, I have this posted for the correct story, so please don't stop after reading a bit and demand to know what is going on. You'll see. why. :) **

* * *

_"Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul  
That love never lasts.  
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone.  
Or keep a straight face._

And I've always lived like this  
Keeping a comfortable distance.  
And up until now I have sworn to myself  
That I'm content with loneliness.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk.

Well you are the only exception..."

* * *

** |The Game part two. Who will win the oneshot this chapter? :D**

* * *

Antonio jogged to catch up with Lovino as he spotted him in the hall, slowing when he comfortably slung an arm around his shoulders, smiling at him brightly.

"Lovi! There you are," he grinned at the younger teen, holding him close to his side. "I'd been looking for you."

Said Italian made a noise, face flushing as he was held tightly, ignoring the fact that it would bruise his body due to how small he was, knowing the Spaniard was only being friendly and his intent wasn't to harm him. "Wh-what the hell do you want, bastard…..And WHAT THE FUCK IS A LOVI?!" He squaled

"You," the tanned male told him cheekily to both questions, words accompanied by a playful wink. He loosened his hold though as he noted Lovino was uncomfortable, smiling at him warmly as his thumb rubbed his shoulder. "I was wondering if you would like to hang out outside of school sometime soon? Maybe this weekend?"

The smaller boy shifted. "...f-fucker. I..." He fidgeted. "Aren't you meaning to ask Feliciano? He's with the potato bastard." He murmured, face red.

"No, I'm asking you. Mi Lovi~," he insisted, smiling and pressing an innocent kiss to his cheek, the gesture friendly. "Lovino Vargas, I want to hang out with you."

The abrasively-spoken male squeaked adorably at the kiss, face flushing bright red. "D-don't!" He hissed, although not seeming actually angry. He checked his watch. He had to meet Mattie in five minutes. He squirmed a bit. "You...you're joking..."

Antonio shook his head, letting go to stand in front of him "I'm not. I'll keep pestering you until you answer me Lovi," he told him honestly. "I want to hang out with you."

He crossed his arms, fidgeting. He had been waiting for this for forever, not that he'd tell the other.

"...You get one cup of coffee-I don't care where" he said slowly, as if the words were painful to him. "….and a movie, ¿comprendes?" He added, using the Spaniard's native word for ' (do you) understand?' without really thinking about it. His mother, while Italian, had had her major in Spanish, so, when he was really little, he remembered her peppering in a bit of español into conversation.

Antonio looked surprised at both the answer and the small bit of Spanish, though he was beaming not long after. "Gracias! Meet me at that little café attached to the bakery on first avenue? Saturday at two," he grinned at him, hugging the fragile Italian. "I'll buy you coffee and a snack if you like and we can watch a movie at my house?"

He squirmed, shoving at his chest before giving up and relaxing and /no he damn well wasn't snuggling him! He just didnt wanna waste effort shoving the dumbass away!/ ignoring the looks people were shooting them. "I have to get to class now." He said quietly. "And don't worry about the snack. I'll eat before I come."

Antonio smiled at him warmly "I'll let you get to class now? Unless you'd like me to walk you!" He said, although pausing when his brain processed the other's comment. "And don't worry about it! I'll treat you."

"I said it's fine. I have to go…. I'll see you later….. and you're on the other side of the building! I'm not making you late to class!" He said softly, face red.  
"I insist. Saturday? And If you say so. It's sweet you care." The Spaniard said brightly, although stubbornly.  
"Alright." He huffed, agreeing on both accounts, but… "Wh-who fucking said I care!" He squeaked. "I… I just don't want to get in trouble b-because your d-dumb ass is slow!"

He smiled brightly, nodding and running off with a promise to call him without a response.

He huffed, running off to see Matthew. "…cheeky fucker..."


End file.
